


Not your fault but mine

by AlAngel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt, Mentions of Murder, Sadness, the BMoL code
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-16 03:47:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11820579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlAngel/pseuds/AlAngel
Summary: The only weakness you ever allowed yourself was loving Mick Davies.





	Not your fault but mine

Title: Not your fault but mine  
Characters: Mick x Reader, mentions of Arthur Ketch, Toni Bevell, Dr Hess, Timothy  
Words: ~1.7k  
Warnings: the BMoL code, mentions of murder, sadness, hurt, angst  
Summary: The only weakness you ever allowed yourself was loving Mick Davies.  
A/n: Getting inspired by a song is easy, including the lyrics is hard. I tried. The song was Little Lion Man by Mumford & Sons. This was written for @wayward-mirage BMoL challenge. Thanks for hosting the challenge, love. It was an emotional roller coaster writing this xD

...

Tremble for yourself, my man,

You know that you have seen this all before

Tremble little lion man,

You’ll never settle any of your scores

Your grace is wasted in your face,

Your boldness stands alone among the wreck

…

Falling in love with Mick Davies was surprisingly easy. Growing up with him at the academy you never saw yourself as the type to ever fall in love. The world you lived in and the life you led didn’t leave room for foolish sentiments, caring too much was more likely to get you killed than any monster out there. But something about Mick was so different that for once you couldn’t close your heart. You fell for the little pocket thief the British Man Of Letters picked to join you in your first year.

I really fucked it up this time, you brain supplied ever helpful as you sat alone in your room. The light was turned off, so you could at least pretend to be in the dark about the world outside. You had no idea how long you had been sitting there but you still didn’t feel like moving. This was exactly what you were always scared of. Yet you fucked up and did the one thing you swore you’d be careful with, you fell in love.

 

You still remembered the day that young boy came up to you after class, his brown eyes had been so uncertain. It had been fascinating and refreshing to be honest, most of the guys in your class were cocky assholes, too proud of their family names or hunting techniques. But this boy was neither from an old hunting family nor had he any special technique despite his knowledge and quick wits. Mick Davies had always been special in his very own way.

So when he asked you out with a shy look in his eyes you considered it for a moment. However you quickly dismissed the thought. You remembered your summoning to Dr. Hess office from two weeks ago. Being different meant trouble, caring was a risk, you wouldn’t put yourself in that kind of danger. So you told him with a shrug that sorry you weren’t interested.

A sigh left your lips as you made out the outline of a shared picture on your bedside table. In the darkness of your room you couldn’t see it, but you didn’t need to. It was from ages ago, graduation day actually, and by now you knew it by heart. Mick’s hands were on your hips as he stood behind you, brave, loyal and loving. The expression on his face was so hopeful and happy, he had always been the cheery one. You could feel yourself getting sick at the thought of the here and now. Back then both of you still had faith, you had been ready to make the world a better place. Too bad only one of you really grew up.

You remembered your early days of getting to know Mick. Especially the day he asked you out for the first time. He had been so brave, putting the question out there, putting his hear on the line. You admired that. Despite his less pompous and arrogant character he still had his own sort of braveness.

Though that braveness became boldness the day Timothy didn’t show up for classes anymore. By the tense look in his shoulders it wasn’t a hard guess what happened to him, you remembered your own memories of what could happen to people who got too attached to their friends. Mick, the shy young boy who got thrown into the supernatural world by total chance, made you feel sympathy for someone for the first time in a long time. But you also knew that it was part of the training. In the end caring was not an advantage, all of you had to understand that.

What did surprise you that day though was when Mick stood at your desk at the end of class again. This time it wasn’t shyness in his eyes there was a new light of determination. He also didn’t ask if you wanted to go out this time, he told you, you should give it a shot. Looking him straight into his determined brown eyes you found yourself agreeing.

You couldn’t make out any details in the picture, but you didn’t need to. You remembered the moment as if it were only days not years. Years you spent loving the man who became bold and aware of the rules and restrictions of your world after killing his best friend. That day had changed Mick, he was not a coin stealing boy anymore he was starting to become a Man Of Letters. And he was a fucking good one. Not just one of the best researchers, but also one of the best man you ever met in that whole conceited organisation.

The first time you had been out in the field together had been after about two years of careful dating. Although you had liked Mick and the man he was starting to become, you had been reluctant to let him in. Going out with someone was one thing, but actually committing to them was another. You knew you had feelings for him, but you were scared.

Out on your first “hunt” – well more like a staged thing where they let a whole class loose on a single unfortunate vampire – he had been at your side. Instead of striking out to get the promised A for the one killing it, he trailed after you. Without a single question he had your back. Which turned out to be very fortunate. Being used to hearing someone behind you and instinctively trusting it had to be Mick the vamp almost managed to sneak up on you. It was only when you heard an aggressive hiss that you turned, faced with sharp teeth and strong hands ready to snap your neck.

To everyone’s, especially Arthurs, frustration Mick and you were the one’s who got that A that day. He jumped in to save you, tackling the monster so you could raise your machete and deliver the killing blow. Afterwards you got praised for your team work, your teacher assuming you had planned on you being bait and Mick being the hunting partner.

That day you realised two very important things. One was that you were glad to have Mick at your side. He was loyal and supporting and those qualities alone made him stand out. And the other was that Mick loved you unconditionally, something that made you smile and happy back then.

You felt soft tears in your eyes. Loving Mick had been the only weakness you ever allowed yourself. It was the only thing you ever let yourself have. Everything else was always dictated by your superiors and the code.

But Mick was different and loving him came so easy. You even stopped thinking about it for years. He was a good man, loyal, brave and he loved you. You didn’t see any harm in returning the feelings.

It was a couple of years after graduation. Some of your class mates had scattered around the country on different assignments. It was funny really how the only people who stayed back at the main compound in London had been Mick, Arthur and you. You didn’t regret it though, working with Mick and knowing him close had been very reassuring. He went mostly into administration so you also were reassured he was safe at all times.

You saw his worry lines whenever you would head out to look into something with Arthur Ketch. The one time you even ran into him giving Arthur a small speech about how he shouldn’t dare come home without you. Both you and Arthur had rolled your eyes, though you did it fondly kissing Mick good bye promising to be back soon.

It was during that time that Arthur ran into Lady Toni. They had a very weird relationship, but at the time you thought it worked for them. In the end it clearly hadn’t. Though what most people didn’t even know was that they had been engaged for a while. Seeing the small ring on her finger made your brain wander and your heart dare hope you would have the same thing one day with Mick.

It was too late now though. The small alarm on your phone told you it was time. Mick made a choice and you had to make yours. Although love didn’t seem like a choice now. Maybe it never was. Maybe everything you had was just an illusion you created for yourself to not become a mindless machine.

No. All those years had been real. They had been good. Until Mick decided to not be brave but a fool. It was not [his] fault but mine, you thought sending one last look at the picture, you had encourage him to be brave all those years ago. You made him think that there was a part of the British Men Of Letters where you could find happiness. It was your fault and you had to face the consequences.

Mick was the man who made you smile on a day when you didn’t see any good in a world filled with monsters. When you stood ankle deep in demon blood because some demons were going beyond the negotiated soul limit, Mick made you feel better. When Ketch was being a psychopathic asshole hitting on you again, Micks possessive sparkle and hissed words made you feel protected and cared for. When your superiors acknowledge both your good work and decided to send you together to America, Mick spent the night celebrating with you.

Mick had been the best thing that ever happened to you. But when you were going to see him and Doctor Hess in a conference room in a minute it wouldn’t matter anymore. It was [his] heart on the line, not yours. He might be the best thing that ever happened to you, but you still remembered who and what you were. You loved, but you never forgot.

You were a British Woman of Letters, you knew the price of caring too much, and if the love of your life was to defy the code you would put the bullet in his head like it needed to be done. No questions asked.


End file.
